just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
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Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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