Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
