Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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