I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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