conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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