well you can't waste a boner
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
