I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
