There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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