we have pet lesbian snakes
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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