You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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