Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
