he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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