i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
