I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
