Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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