At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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