Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
