Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
