Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
