u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
