My nipple is on Facebook.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
