life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
