thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
