see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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