just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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