Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
