I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
