If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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