Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
