I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
