A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
