Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
