I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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