He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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