I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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