i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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