Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The power of my boobs compel you
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
