The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
