I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
