Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
