Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I am puke
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
