Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
