we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I will pee on everything he values.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
