Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
did you just send me my own nude
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
