Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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