That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
