we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
