it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
vagina is talking i cant
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
