look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
