officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
