I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize