I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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