You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
