he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
