Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize