Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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