I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
