My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
