i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
