he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
