i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
